Just think of the crumpets 

This morning so far…
4.43am – The Baby starts to wake up (standard)
4.53am – Give up Bastard Dummy fight and bring The Baby into bed to try and claw back extra sleep.
5.09am – Elbow Bearded One for snoring and waking up The Baby.
5.23am – Hold The Baby in awkward position. Comfortable for him. Cramping for me. He’s asleep!!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
5.26am – The Dog is crying. Bastard.
5.45am – Give up, get up and glare at Bearded One. 
5.47am – Walk downstairs, greeted by dog poo. FFS!!! 
5.48am – Clear up dog poo.
5.52am – Change The Baby.
5.54am – Wipe pee from my face.
5.55am – Clear up baby sick and change outfit.
6.01am – Put The Baby in bouncer and MAKE COFFEE
6.02am – Send The Dog back to bed as not time to feed until 7am. REPEAT EVERY 2 MINUTES. Bastard. 
6.15am – Clean kitchen, unload dishwasher, sterilise bottles, fold up clean washing. 
6.30am – Take tea to the Bearded One.
6.32am – Make The Bearded One lunch for work. Heat soup, make sandwiches, flasks of tea & coffee, pack tissues, cold & flu tablets. 
6.45am – Re clean kitchen
6.55am – Admit defeat and feed The Dog.
6.59am – Wave The Bearded One off to work.
7am – Feed The Baby.
7.01am – Receive call from The Bearded One, admin duties activated. 
7.15am – Change nappy.
7.30am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.32am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.34am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.35am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.37am THE BABY IS ASLEEP.
7.38am – Go to the toilet, The Baby wakes up. Bastard. 
7.39am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.40am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.42am – Put The Baby to bed.
7.44am – THE BABY IS ASLEEP. 
7.45am – Microwave freezing cold coffee.
7.46am – Sit on sofa staring blankly at baby tv. Receive call from The Bearded One saying The Dog is farting and making him feel sick. I can offer nothing for that. 
7.50am – Debate cleaning house, having a shower, running away or going back to bed. 
7.52am – Debate over. Just going to sit here and think of crumpets. 
Morning everyone 🙈

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