This morning so far… 4.43am – The Baby starts to wake up (standard) 4.53am – Give up Bastard Dummy fight and bring The Baby into bed to try and claw back extra sleep. 5.09am – Elbow Bearded One for snoring and waking up The Baby. 5.23am – Hold The Baby in awkward position. Comfortable for … More Just think of the crumpets
As has become standard practice nowadays the kids are fully booked on our weekends to have them. Rugby, gymnastics, birthday parties, sleepovers etc. As a rule we have no issue with them going off to these activities but we do object to the 12 hours notice we get given and an itinerary so anal even … More The Pool Party – Taxi for 1!
The big day has arrived. No I’m not getting married, no we’re not moving house, no it’s not even my birthday. I’m having my hair done! The (wonderful) Bearded One surprised me with vouchers to a local chain of salons knowing full well if he told me to book an appointment that he would pay … More Can you get drunk in the hairdressers? No but you can fall asleep!
1. You haven’t slept in months. 2. You smell of sick. 3. Bodily functions don’t bother you. 4. You have grown to stomach and even enjoy freezing cold tea and coffee. 5. Every item of clothing you own has a stain on it. 6. Your house is a shit tip. 7. Your car is a … More 30 signs you’re a parent…
Oh my god. I am failing at being a human right now. This all started when The Bearded One asked me if I wanted to share a beer with him. He had driven to Manchester and back yesterday, the kids were out shopping with their Nan and I was on Baby Duty. As Head of … More Baby Hangover
It’s Valentines Day today and this morning I wake up slightly differently than usual having sent The Bearded One to sleep in one of the kids rooms for his ridiculous snoring. It’s 7am and I can hear him getting up to feed The Dog.I decide to be the bigger person after our cross words last … More Fuck Valentines Day and fuck the prawns!
I’m composing this entry entirely in my head as both hands are currently occupied trying to rock The Baby to sleep. I’ve been doing this for the last 32 minutes. I find being a Mum is a constant battle between being yourself and feeling guilty about being yourself. For example: Being yourself – “god just … More “Treat your baby like a bomb”
It’s Sunday night, 10pm and I’m in bed, wide awake and scanning the photos from the weekend to trigger any memories of the past 48 hours. This isn’t due to a hangover, not even baby brain, sadly I just have an utterly shite memory! What I do know is that the Bearded One is performing … More Death of Date Night
It’s Friday and The Bearded One’s 39th birthday. I’m so excited as he’s taken the day off work and we have the kids for the weekend. As I’m sure everyone can sympathise with, money has been tight post Christmas so I have been stashing presents away over the last few weeks like a squirrel collecting … More A Bearded Birthday
There is a line in the movie “Hook” where Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell is explaining her love for Peter Pan played by Robin Williams. “You know that place between asleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll be waiting for you”. Well sorry to burst your bubble mate but the … More Rush hour meets sugar rush